Sexuality as the Jewish Path for Redemption: Tu B’Av

Tonight, is the beginning of Tu B’Av (the 15th of Av). In recent years this has become the Israeli equivalent of Valentine’s Day. But it remains virtually unknown to most American Jews unless they are orthodox. I am writing because this day offers important lessons for our lives. Indeed, as I explain, I believe that this holiday -coming only six days after Tisha B’Av — the saddest day of the year marking the destruction of both the first and second Temples in 586 BCE and 70 CE — teaches us that the best way for us to find redemption is through passion and love.

Tisha B’Av, commemorated last Sunday, is a day of mourning for not just the physical destruction of the Temple but the abandonment of God — the Schenah (“the Divine Presence”) of not just the Temple and Jerusalem but of the entire world. For that reason, Tisha B’Av resembles the house of mourning. We cover mirrors, we sit on low chairs or benches, we refrain from any act of pleasure.

Jewish mourning is a seven-day period. But only six days after Tisha B’Av, we celebrate what the Sages taught was the happiest day of the year for Jews in the time of the Temple. To put this in perspective, while we mourn the loss of a close relative for seven days, six days after the saddest day of the year we celebrate the happiest of days.

This is not an accident.

What exactly happened on Tu B’Av? Here is the best description we have according to the teaching of Rabbi Shimon Ben Gamliel:

…”the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in borrowed white garments in order not to shame anyone who had none…The daughters of Jerusalem come out and dance in the vineyards. What would they say? Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set your eyes on the family. (Mishnah Taanit 4:8).

In other words, this was a Second Temple version of J-Date.

While beyond the scope of this post, there are many reasons to suspect that this holiday was never celebrated as described above. The Jewish historian who lived at the end of the Second Temple and lived at the same time as Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, Josephus, describes a holiday called the Feast of Xylophory (“Wood-bearing”), but places it on the Fourteenth of Ab, saying that “it was the custom for everyone to bring wood for the altar on that day so that there should never be any lack of fuel for the eternal fire (referring to the eternal light in the Temple).” Significantly, one of the reasons the Sages give to explain why this day was so happy was that on this day the Romans finally allowed the Jews to bury those who died in the last battle of the Bar Kochba Revolt.

While today we hear much more about the Jewish Revolt ending in the destruction of the Second Temple, the Bar Kochba revolt that ended in 135 CE was much more devastating for the Jewish people. After the First Revolt Jews lived in Judea, if not Jerusalem. The Sanhedrin functioned. And many Jews were confident that Judea would rise again to greatness as it had been only 50 years after the destruction of the First Temple. Sixty years after the destruction of the Second Temple, Rabbi Akiba backed the rebellion led by Shimon Bar Kochba announcing him as the Messiah. This loss was much more devastating than the First Revolt. Jews were exiled from most of Judaea and all but a few cities in the Galilee (specifically, those cities that had remained loyal to Rome during the revolt). Within a generation the force of Jewish life moved to Babylonia. Thus, unlike the First Revolt where the Sages did not support the Zealots, the Bar Kochba rebellion was endorsed by the greatest rabbi of the time. And it resulted in Judaea no longer being the spiritual center of Jewish life.

The Rabbis in Babylonian did not abandon the idea of a return to Judaea and rebuilding the Temple. But they clearly took steps to diminish those holidays that centered around the restoration and maintenance of the Temple. For instance, as I have discussed elsewhere, the Sages wrote Judah the Maccabee out of Jewish history. The Maccabees were, in their eyes, not mighty kings who had redeemed the Temple after the Greeks had desecrated it but usurpers who had combined the Kingship with the High Priesthood. The 14th of Adar in Judaea was a major holiday celebrating Judah’s major military victory against the Greek General Nicanor. The Sages removed this day from Jewish memory and instituted this day as the Fast of Esther even though Ester did not fast on the 14th of Adar.

Here the Rabbis took the 14th of Av — a holiday focused around maintaining the eternal light — (an appropriate theme after Tisha B’Av) and transformed it into a day about love.

Why?

Tisha B’Av marks the departure of the Divine Presence from the Temple and Jerusalem. In response to the tragedy of the Bar Kochba revolt, the Sages instituted many safeguards against future messianic movements, claiming that Jews could not try and force God to return to Jerusalem or this world. Indeed, orthodoxy objected to Zionism for many years as violating this basic principle of Jewish law.

At the same time, however, the Sages did teach that there is one way that humans can bring God back into their lives. An act that compels God to descend from the heavens into the world of humanity. Specifically, the Sages taught that whenever a couple makes love, the Divine Presence descends and resides with and between the couple. There is no other act today- not study or prayer or tzedakah — that absolutely guarantees that we can experience God’s presence in our lives.

A thousand years later Jewish mystics expanded on this theme, finding that sexuality was the most accessible way to bring God into our world. These mystics focused on the importance of a man satisfying his wife. One reading of a statement by Nachmanides is interpreted by some to be an endorsement of “squirting” as an almost divine act that if accompanied with conception will ensure a male.

While clearly not a topic of discussion in most synagogues today, there is a clear and distinct chain of tradition that makes clear that love making brings holiness into the world and makes both lovers partners with God in redeeming the world. And as we hear on Passover, the more one repeats this act the more deserving they are of praise.

Let us consider the period when this focus on sexuality became a focus of spirituality. Jewish mysticism came to prominence in the mid-sixteenth century, not long after the expulsion from Spain. Consider the lives of Jews currently. Their world had been shaken to bits. They had fled their homes, often two or three times. They had endured tremendous pressure to convert to Christianity. Many of their friends and, most likely, members of their family had actually converted. Most Jews in this period were immigrants. However, in a period where immigration did not exist, we were known as the “wandering Jew.” Tokens minted in Germany during this time showed evil looking characters carrying sacks of money and starving Europe. One token showed a Jew about to be converted just before being pushed off a cliff with a caption “At least he won’t die a Jew.” While Jews were more tolerated in the Ottoman Empire, they were still second-class citizens. For instance, no synagogue could be taller than any mosque. And they were subject to many restrictions targeted at their community.

Consider how immigrants today — in our enlightened times — are treated. I do not mean to diminish their suffering. But it is a window into beginning to imagine what our ancestors experienced in the 16th century. They were seen as subhuman by most of the world and their lives were subject to the whim of ruling Kings who could expel them on a moment’s notice confiscating their property and fortune.

The mystics of this time helped transform Judaism so it could comfort a population that was suddenly rootless. The hallmarks that had served to provide meaning to Jewish lives — study, Torah, rituals — seemed hollow. They had certainly not led them to place where they felt God’s presence.

The genius of the spiritual leaders of this generation was to realize that when all avenues of external spirituality seem to have lost meaning the only way to make Judaism relevant was to focus Jewish spirituality on the most personal forms of expression. The form of expression that can exist right under the nose of the most authoritarian rule: the marital bed.

It is not mere coincidence that the critics of early Hassidism as well as many false Jewish messiahs alleged that these communities engaged in sexual orgies. Some of the specific sexual acts attributed to these groups suggest Jewish scholars always recognized the power of exploring our sexuality as a path for redeeming the world and feared its abuse.

“Yes, the world makes no sense. We cannot begin to comprehend how God could allow our lives to be so uprooted. It defies explanation as to how America could descend into the chaos that surrounds us. It is shocking to see Jewish messianism dominating Israeli politics and, by extension, American Jewish orthodoxy. Young Jews are abandoning the synagogue and the Jewish community created by their elders. Jewish prayer in most synagogues seems more like a musical performance than a spiritual experience. The Judaism taught in Hebrew Schools is afraid to explore spirituality because it would be so alienating for most Jewish parents. Most non-orthodox Jews have no conception of personal prayer or experience the synagogue as a place of spirituality.

Tu B’Av tells us that we each of us can find a connection to God not dependent on synagogue dues or donations to the Jewish Federation or the UJA.

What is this pathway? Passion and submission to our sexual desires focusing on pleasing our partner. Recognizing and reveling in the knowledge that by pleasing our partner, we become partners with God in giving meaning to their life. Sexual release is the true antidote to the mundaneness of modern life.

Tu B’Av reminds us that it is easy to become preoccupied with our material lives. To focus on our professional lives. To be consumed with our roles as parents or caretakers. Tu B’Av reminds us that while these aspects of our lives are important, the way to true spiritual completeness is physical and emotional intimacy expressed sexually within a committed relationship.

In your last moments are you more likely to regret not having billed more hours at work or having paid more attention to your child’s homework or at having not sought more opportunities for the intimacy and completeness that comes with love making?